omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
smell my finger.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
