After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
