Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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