Tell her she can't have a vagina
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize