I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
this must be what syphilis tastes like
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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