the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
