ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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