The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
