you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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