woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
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