never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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