just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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