i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Michael Bay diarrhea
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
