Those balls look pretty dangerous.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
