i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
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