it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
