did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
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