You're my little dorito
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
