I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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