I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I think a kid would responsible me up
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
