Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
