everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
