I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
