why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
He felt like a one man threesome
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
