She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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