did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
