Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
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