I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Randomize
