So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
