and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
