all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
