i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
