i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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