I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
