she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
