ya dads aren't the best wingmen
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Randomize
