HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I need mimosas to revive my soul
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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