he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
