oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
