He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
So squirting runs in the family.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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