there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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