Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
