what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
