I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
