Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
