Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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