This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
