she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
