What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
