Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
