I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
