i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
