My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
