Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
