dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Randomize
