I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Randomize
