I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
