i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
