I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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