he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
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