your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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