where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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