She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
