There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize