Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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