it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
